Change is the same

We've been home for over a month now and I feel strangely unstrange.

During the weeks leading up to our return to the U.S. my mind was constantly occupied with a mix of emotions: anxiety (will I be able to find a job?), anticipation (I can't wait to see my family!), hunger (Oh for the moment that I bite into a deluxe chicken enchilada at Chuy's!) and sadness (I will really miss this place that is so far from home, yet strangely feels like home now).

One thing I despise about my nomadic tendencies is saying goodbye. I turn and walk away from so many situations that will never be repeated. They will never happen again. I don't do this because I dislike were I'm at - I almost always find myself with awesome people and enjoying my circumstances. It just becomes the next step in my journey. Maybe it's God calling me. Maybe I'm eternally restless. I don't really know, but whatever it is, it keeps happening. And perhaps this repetition is making me numb.

For the past month, I have rarely though about what we just did. I've hardly felt sad about leaving the amazing experience of living on the other side of the world. Why is that? Everything I had heard and assumed about returning home told me that it would be a really intense experience. "Reverse culture shock", some people call it, "you have to re-acclimate to your own culture." It sounds rough, but I have experienced none of the symptoms. I got off the plane, said hi to my family and returned to life as normal. How can that even be possible? How can my world not be rocked? How can it feel just like it did when we left?

I really hope the cause of this is the fact that we are still in a transition stage. I am looking for work, preparing to move into an apartment, trying to be an auto mechanic, considering a career change, and doing a multitude of other things all simultaneously. This probably has me distracted enough to prevent me from reflecting on what just happened. I'm hoping that once life settles down again, I'll really have time to sit down and process the amazing experience we just had.